Maybe It's Time To Make Those Hakeem Nicks To The Lions Rumors True.

So the Detroit Lions lost to the Green Bay Packers again.  That's 22, 32, 102, whatever, straight losses in Green Bay for the Lions.  So what's the latest excuse being thrown around as to why the Detroit Lions lost?  Calvin Johnson was out.  Injuries happen all the time in the NFL, and as coaches like to say, it's next man up.  So why is it, with Calvin Johnson and Nate Burleson out, the Lions pass attack looked even worse then the pass attack led by Boomer Esiason/Bubby Brister and wide receivers Ryan Yarborough, Wayne Cherbet, Charles Wilson, Jeff Snyder, Curtis Ceaser, and tight ends Kyle Brady, Johnny Mitchell, and Fred Baxter.  I had to dig a little deep to find a suitable comparison to really clarify the lack of talent the Lions have at wide receiver.

This was a game that could easily have been won by the Lions IF ANY receiver position stepped up.  No one did.  Sure, Brandon Pettigrew made a nice play or two, then reverted back to form of dropping passes at key moments.  Then you got Tony Scheffler, in a contract year, basically stating he wants to retire at the end of the season (the ball hits you in the hands, then your chest, and you still drop it, can it be placed better then that?)  Then you got Ryan 'I Gots Two Bad Knees' Broyles.  Most Lions fans will tell you 'he looked SO GOOD last year until he blew out his knee!'  Two games into the return of Ryan Broyles and...nothing.  if ANYONE was going to step up in the absence of Nate Burleson and Calvin Johnson it'd be him right?  The guy the Lions spent a second round pick on, even though he was rehabbing a blown knee.  Broyles looks like he's still mentally bothered by the fact that he has two bad knees.  Physically he looks fine.  So why is he not producing?  All the other receivers kind of blend in together at this point.  Kris Durham, Patrick Edwards, Kevin 'Giant Killer' Ogletree, it doesn't matter, they all looked the same.  Ogletree is the Giant Killer because in his contract year, Ogletree had 32 catches, 436 yards, and 4 touchdowns.  That sounds good right?  Until you see in game one against the Giants, he had 8 catches for 114 yards and 2 touchdowns (Cowboys won that game.)  Ogletree got 1/4 of his receiving yards, 1/2 of his touchdowns, and 1/4 of his receptions in one game.

So what does all this have to do with Hakeem Nicks?  Well, that picture should be pretty clear by now.  Reggie Bush was brought in to spark the offense, you can't focus in on Calvin Johnson when Reggie Bush can burn you.  With Calvin Johnson out, Reggie Bush is just another guy, he's got talent and skill, but he can't do it by himself, and he never has.  Calvin Johnson and Reggie Bush are like peanut butter and jelly.  Sure you can have one without the other, but it just doesn't taste right, and you're left feeling unfulfilled.  There were rumors, unsubstantiated rumors, but still rumors were swirling, that the Lions were interested in trading for Hakeem Nicks.  Personally, when I heard the report, I didn't see why the Giants would trade him away, even if they were 0-3 at the time.  Well, now the Giants are 0-5, and most likely 0-6 after they play the Bears on Thursday night.  Then maybe they go 0-8 when they play Minnesota, then Philly again, before having a shot at their first win against the Raiders.  That hole they started digging in week one, isn't getting filled in any time soon.  Hakeem Nicks is most likely gone in the offseason because the Giants most likely won't give him the money he wants, especially when they need that money to fix the offensive line, secondary, and linebacking corps.  With Hakeem Nicks on the Lions, if Calvin Johnson can't go, there's a bonafide stud still on the field for the offense to work with Reggie Bush and a bunch of under achievers.With Calvin Johnson healthy and ready to go, that offense could not be stopped.  You can't watch Calvin Johnson AND Hakeem Nicks AND still contain Reggie Bush.  It'd be like when a team like Alabama plays a team like North West Central New Mexico State.  There's just too much talent on the field, and you don't have enough talent to match.  It would also greatly improve the defense.  EVERY defense plays better with a lead, and when they force teams into being one dimensional.  The Lions defense is no exception to that rule.  The Lions defense also isn't good enough to keep all the holes patched up, eventually it'll be exploited (like today) and they are going to give up points.

I've heard two different arguments as to why the Lions shouldn't trade for a guy like Hakeem Nicks.  The first being 'the Lions shouldn't need two amazing wide receivers to run the offense.'  That's correct.  However, the Lions haven't had a good #2 receiver (whether it's a tight end or another wide out,) since Brett Perriman played opposite of Herman Moore.  if you look around the league, there are plenty of one-two punches in the receiving game.  Last year's Super Bowl winners had Anquan Boldin and Torrey Smith.  The Falcons have Roddy White and Julio Jones (or replace either one with Tony Gonzalez.)  When Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl, he had Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison.  The Greatest Show On Turf had Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt.  Green Bay right now has Jordy Nelson and Randall Cobb (or switch James Jones in for one of them.)  Dallas has Dez Bryant and Jason Witten.  The Lions need a one-two punch and all they got right now is a one and nothing else to punch with.  The second argument is that Matt Stafford needs to start making his receivers better.  You can say the great quarterbacks make the guys around them better.  It might appear to be true, but you need to be able to find receivers with skill sets to 'make it' in the NFL.  The Lions have had/currently have some of the supposed greatest collegiate wide receivers ever.  Yet, Tom Brady throwing to Kenbrel Thompkins is helping the Patriots win games.  Why?  It's almost completely the skill set of the players involved.  Kenbrel Thompkins came from a small school not known for throwing the ball.  He is a solid route runner, and is showing to have good hands, now that he's finally getting in sync with Tom Brady.  For all intents and purposes, Thompkins shouldn't be on an NFL roster because he played receiver at a small college that liked to run the ball.  His skill set, however, transitions quite nicely into what the Patriots do on offense.  So where the Lions are taking, quite literally, the flashy wide receiver with the big numbers that they think could transition into their scheme, the Patriots are taking guys that fit their scheme, and working to make them better in the other areas.  At this point, it's less to do with the quarterback not making guys better, and more to do with the receivers not being able to transition to the NFL.  Considering how many quarterbacks the Lions have gone through, someone at wide receiver, whether it's Scotty Anderson, Roy Williams, Tim Toone, or Kez McCorvey, would have stepped up and been a legit receiver in the NFL, but for one reason or another none of these guys have made the transition.  It might be time to stop looking to the draft for a good second receiver, and more towards trades and free agency.

No one is saying the Lions are a Super Bowl contender RIGHT NOW.  In fact, it's the whole other end of the spectrum 'win or be fired.'  So if you're running this team like it might be your last, wouldn't it be in your best interest to give up some pieces to make a legit run at the playoffs?  The defense isn't good enough to hold the Lions in games until the offense can get moving.  The offense is one injury away from being a top five draft pick team.  Now might be the time to look East, call up Jerry Reese and make some offers for Hakeem Nicks.  If Hakeem Nicks landed on the Lions, the offense would be good enough RIGHT NOW to rival what Peyton Manning is doing in Denver, and when you look at the Lions schedule, an offense that powerful could propel them into the playoffs, giving the current regime a little longer to work the team over to becoming a perennial playoff contender at worst.

Things I Think About At Work : Everything On TV And In The Movies Can Be Linked Back To Saved By The Bell

Following up my last blog post, when I was left to my own devices I still had Saved By The Bell on the brain.  Coming up with the whole Saved By The Bell could easily be Scream thing was just the start of the gears spinning.  At first, I was just going to mention how the secondary characters on Saved By The Bell were way more interesting after the show then during the show.  But then my mind went into overdrive and I created a theory.  My senior thesis when I finish college is going to be based on this blog.  You can trace every movie and TV show back to Saved By The Bell.  This will be very similar to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but I can pretty much fit everything from pop culture into this theory.  I'm not going to put it all into this blog, just a taste of it.

First, I will start off with a few things you didn't know.  Professor Jeremiah Lackey, the teacher in college Kelly was dating to get better grades, was so heart broken over losing Kelly to her former high school flame/current husband, he moved to the South and became a preacher and an exorcist.  Sadly, he fell in battle against the demon Abalam (The Last Exorcism.)

Staying with the College Years, Dean Susan McMann spent her off hours tormenting her two sons Alan Harper and Charlie Harper. Let's face it.  They deserve to be tormented.  Alan Harper needed to stay on the straight and narrow after being arrested by Superman after high school.  Charlie Harper also needed to stay straight after taking a deal that landed Gordon Gecko in jail, and leading police on a chase across California after kidnapping Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

But if you want to totally get your mind blown, after Alex Tabor graduated from college with Slater, Zach, Screech, and Kelly, she went on to become a stripper (since her major in college was drama, and a starving actor has to work.)  While being a stripper, she met the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air's girlfriend, Jasmine Dubrow.  Unfortunately for Alex, she was killed when she was atop one of the buildings destroyed by the aliens during the first attack on Earth.  The aliens however were repelled by The Fly, before he turned into the Fly, but after he survived Jurassic Park, and also a former college football coach who's star quarterback would later go on to create the Quantum Leap Project, and would later have a descendant be one of the first captains of the USS Enterprise.

How does any of this tie into Star Wars though?  What a great random question!  You see, before the Fresh Prince defeated the aliens, he was a cop in Miami.  While trying to protect a witness, he killed Noah.  Noah had a twin brother, Dante, who was a guard at a bank that was robbed by The Punisher.  Before Frank Castle became the Punisher, he used to wrangle sharks where he met Mace Windu's however many great-grandfather, Russel Franklin, who was eaten by a shark.

Did you just connect AC Slater's girlfriend to Mace Windu?  You bet your ass I did!  But one more, to really solidify my theory.

During a couple of episodes, the Bayside High Gang met an actor named James.  James is a direct descendant of Blinkin, Robin Hood's faithful servant.  Robin Hood is the descendant of Wesley and Buttercup, and much further down the line of descendants is Dr. Gordon who was Jigsaw's right hand man all along, not Amanda Young who was so clearly out of her mind after surviving The Blob, she resorted to torture and murder.  That's right.  I just went from a random waiter at The Max, to one of the heroes who stopped the Blob.

Much like Pigman in PCU, who was trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory (no matter what time of day it is, you can find a Gene Hackman or Michael Caine movie on TV,) I will cap off my college career by proving without a shadow of a doubt that Saved By The Bell is the epicenter to which every movie and TV show can be linked back to.  There are so many cases of Saved By The Bell linking pop culture together, I can't put them into one simple blog!  My thesis would be longer then great works of literature like The Stand by Stephen King, or War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy.  I have given you a taste though, consider yourself lucky.

Things I Talk About At Work : Scream By The Bell

So a friend of mine at work today came in wearing a Kelly Kapowski t shirt.  He and I are of the same age-ish.  I'm 32.  I think he is too, or at least close enough to it where being in the same area together was a bad idea.  At first it started off with a riveting rendition of 'I'm so excited!  I'm so excited!  I'm so.....scared!' Then it moved onto a spirited debate between who do you pick, Kelly Kapowski and Stacey Carosi.  Which then led me to the topic of this blog.  Saved By The Bell debuted on TV in 1989.  The movie Scream came out in 1996, a mere two years after Saved By The Bell had ended.  If things were thought through slightly better, Scream could have been the big screen series finale for Saved By The Bell.

At first glance, you would think I am totally out of my mind.  Ask my co-workers and they would most likely agree.  But hear me out.  The characters we followed in Saved By The Bell would flawlessly transition right over into the Scream movie.  Jessie can be the first victim in the movie.  You don't know anything about the character, just that her character and her boyfriend gets killed.  So Slater dies in the beginning too?  No!  That douche bag emo-hippy Graham, that Jessie broke up with Slater for on Senior Skip Day is the one that gets killed.

Kelly would be the heroine of the movie.  From what we learned in the TV show, he dad was laid off from working at the weapons manufacturing plant, whatever job he took after that is unknown.  It is entirely plausible that whatever job he has, keeps him away from home.  In the movie, her mother was murdered a year ago, which is again entirely plausible to pull off because you never SEE Kelly's mom in the TV show. Lisa becomes the best friend because Jessie is dead.  All ready this is much better then the first Scream movie, as there was no black person in the movie originally.  IMPROVEMENT!  Lisa is the friend who gets killed by trying to fit through the doggy door in the garage door.

So now with the help of a little retcon, Stacy Carosi shows up as the reporter covering the story.  Stacy was in college for an undetermined amount of time when the gang met her at the beach club.  Seeing as she was older, and they were still in high school, it is entirely plausible that she would be a hot up and coming reporter looking for her big break.  The retcon comes in changing her major in college from business to journalism. Going back to our friend the retcon, Jeff is the deputy sheriff investigating the case.  Like with Stacy, Jeff was in college for an undetermined amount of time before he met the gang.  Without really knowing what his major was in college, it is entirely plausible that he sought a degree in law, and wanted to go into law enforcement.

Screech obviously is the nerdy guy from Scream who spouts off the horror movie rules.  Besides bugs, Lisa, and supposedly building Kevin the robot, you don't know anything about Screech's interests at all. Considering at the time, the show and the movie was after the hay day of Dungeons and Dragons, and before any big MMO's like World of Warcraft, any big player vs player games at home, like Call of Duty, and there is never, not even during the episodes at the mall, a hint of an arcade, you have to believe his interests would fall to the other nerdy thing to be into, which is horror movies.  You know he's smart, he's socially awkward, but somehow he hangs out with the cool kids.  Screech is almost an exact clone of Randy from Scream, so fits that part nicely.

Mr. Belding is still the principal that is just dumb enough to be outsmarted by the killer to be killed and then hung from the goalpost.

That leaves us with the big reveal that has yet to be mentioned.

...

Zach and Slater are the killers.  How can that be? In the show, you never see Zach's mom and Zach's dad together.  Why?  They are obviously divorced.  Zach's dad works for some computer company and is always leaving town on business, which is why Zach lives with his mom.  Zach's parent's divorced after his mom found out about the affair he was having with Kelly's mom.  Enraged that his family life is ruined, Zach convinces Slater to help him kill Kelly's mom.  In the original movie, you never quite get the real motivation from the other guy as to why he was helping kill people.  This is easily fixed by stating that Slater's dad was way over bearing, and Slater just snapped from the pressure.  It was Slater that killed Jessie and Graham, because she dumped him for Graham.

This stuff literally wrote itself!  Instead of doing the follow up show of The College Years, they should have just ended the series with a movie.  That movie being Scream.  It would have been given all the critical acclaim Scream was given in terms of being clever and interesting for a horror movie, and it wraps up the Saved By The Bell story beautifully.  You wouldn't get that crazy wedding in Las Vegas movie, you wouldn't get the atrocious Saved By The Bell : The New Class, or the College Years.  Everyone is dead except Jeff, Stacy, Kelly, and Screech.  Isn't that a much better ending for a beloved TV show then the ending we got when Seinfeld, Lost, and The Sopranos ended?  Obviously it is!