Following up my last blog post, when I was left to my own devices I still had Saved By The Bell on the brain. Coming up with the whole Saved By The Bell could easily be Scream thing was just the start of the gears spinning. At first, I was just going to mention how the secondary characters on Saved By The Bell were way more interesting after the show then during the show. But then my mind went into overdrive and I created a theory. My senior thesis when I finish college is going to be based on this blog. You can trace every movie and TV show back to Saved By The Bell. This will be very similar to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but I can pretty much fit everything from pop culture into this theory. I'm not going to put it all into this blog, just a taste of it.
First, I will start off with a few things you didn't know. Professor Jeremiah Lackey, the teacher in college Kelly was dating to get better grades, was so heart broken over losing Kelly to her former high school flame/current husband, he moved to the South and became a preacher and an exorcist. Sadly, he fell in battle against the demon Abalam (The Last Exorcism.)
Staying with the College Years, Dean Susan McMann spent her off hours tormenting her two sons Alan Harper and Charlie Harper. Let's face it. They deserve to be tormented. Alan Harper needed to stay on the straight and narrow after being arrested by Superman after high school. Charlie Harper also needed to stay straight after taking a deal that landed Gordon Gecko in jail, and leading police on a chase across California after kidnapping Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
But if you want to totally get your mind blown, after Alex Tabor graduated from college with Slater, Zach, Screech, and Kelly, she went on to become a stripper (since her major in college was drama, and a starving actor has to work.) While being a stripper, she met the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air's girlfriend, Jasmine Dubrow. Unfortunately for Alex, she was killed when she was atop one of the buildings destroyed by the aliens during the first attack on Earth. The aliens however were repelled by The Fly, before he turned into the Fly, but after he survived Jurassic Park, and also a former college football coach who's star quarterback would later go on to create the Quantum Leap Project, and would later have a descendant be one of the first captains of the USS Enterprise.
How does any of this tie into Star Wars though? What a great random question! You see, before the Fresh Prince defeated the aliens, he was a cop in Miami. While trying to protect a witness, he killed Noah. Noah had a twin brother, Dante, who was a guard at a bank that was robbed by The Punisher. Before Frank Castle became the Punisher, he used to wrangle sharks where he met Mace Windu's however many great-grandfather, Russel Franklin, who was eaten by a shark.
Did you just connect AC Slater's girlfriend to Mace Windu? You bet your ass I did! But one more, to really solidify my theory.
During a couple of episodes, the Bayside High Gang met an actor named James. James is a direct descendant of Blinkin, Robin Hood's faithful servant. Robin Hood is the descendant of Wesley and Buttercup, and much further down the line of descendants is Dr. Gordon who was Jigsaw's right hand man all along, not Amanda Young who was so clearly out of her mind after surviving The Blob, she resorted to torture and murder. That's right. I just went from a random waiter at The Max, to one of the heroes who stopped the Blob.
Much like Pigman in PCU, who was trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory (no matter what time of day it is, you can find a Gene Hackman or Michael Caine movie on TV,) I will cap off my college career by proving without a shadow of a doubt that Saved By The Bell is the epicenter to which every movie and TV show can be linked back to. There are so many cases of Saved By The Bell linking pop culture together, I can't put them into one simple blog! My thesis would be longer then great works of literature like The Stand by Stephen King, or War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. I have given you a taste though, consider yourself lucky.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Things I Talk About At Work : Scream By The Bell
So a friend of mine at work today came in wearing a Kelly Kapowski t shirt. He and I are of the same age-ish. I'm 32. I think he is too, or at least close enough to it where being in the same area together was a bad idea. At first it started off with a riveting rendition of 'I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so.....scared!' Then it moved onto a spirited debate between who do you pick, Kelly Kapowski and Stacey Carosi. Which then led me to the topic of this blog. Saved By The Bell debuted on TV in 1989. The movie Scream came out in 1996, a mere two years after Saved By The Bell had ended. If things were thought through slightly better, Scream could have been the big screen series finale for Saved By The Bell.
At first glance, you would think I am totally out of my mind. Ask my co-workers and they would most likely agree. But hear me out. The characters we followed in Saved By The Bell would flawlessly transition right over into the Scream movie. Jessie can be the first victim in the movie. You don't know anything about the character, just that her character and her boyfriend gets killed. So Slater dies in the beginning too? No! That douche bag emo-hippy Graham, that Jessie broke up with Slater for on Senior Skip Day is the one that gets killed.
Kelly would be the heroine of the movie. From what we learned in the TV show, he dad was laid off from working at the weapons manufacturing plant, whatever job he took after that is unknown. It is entirely plausible that whatever job he has, keeps him away from home. In the movie, her mother was murdered a year ago, which is again entirely plausible to pull off because you never SEE Kelly's mom in the TV show. Lisa becomes the best friend because Jessie is dead. All ready this is much better then the first Scream movie, as there was no black person in the movie originally. IMPROVEMENT! Lisa is the friend who gets killed by trying to fit through the doggy door in the garage door.
So now with the help of a little retcon, Stacy Carosi shows up as the reporter covering the story. Stacy was in college for an undetermined amount of time when the gang met her at the beach club. Seeing as she was older, and they were still in high school, it is entirely plausible that she would be a hot up and coming reporter looking for her big break. The retcon comes in changing her major in college from business to journalism. Going back to our friend the retcon, Jeff is the deputy sheriff investigating the case. Like with Stacy, Jeff was in college for an undetermined amount of time before he met the gang. Without really knowing what his major was in college, it is entirely plausible that he sought a degree in law, and wanted to go into law enforcement.
Screech obviously is the nerdy guy from Scream who spouts off the horror movie rules. Besides bugs, Lisa, and supposedly building Kevin the robot, you don't know anything about Screech's interests at all. Considering at the time, the show and the movie was after the hay day of Dungeons and Dragons, and before any big MMO's like World of Warcraft, any big player vs player games at home, like Call of Duty, and there is never, not even during the episodes at the mall, a hint of an arcade, you have to believe his interests would fall to the other nerdy thing to be into, which is horror movies. You know he's smart, he's socially awkward, but somehow he hangs out with the cool kids. Screech is almost an exact clone of Randy from Scream, so fits that part nicely.
Mr. Belding is still the principal that is just dumb enough to be outsmarted by the killer to be killed and then hung from the goalpost.
That leaves us with the big reveal that has yet to be mentioned.
...
Zach and Slater are the killers. How can that be? In the show, you never see Zach's mom and Zach's dad together. Why? They are obviously divorced. Zach's dad works for some computer company and is always leaving town on business, which is why Zach lives with his mom. Zach's parent's divorced after his mom found out about the affair he was having with Kelly's mom. Enraged that his family life is ruined, Zach convinces Slater to help him kill Kelly's mom. In the original movie, you never quite get the real motivation from the other guy as to why he was helping kill people. This is easily fixed by stating that Slater's dad was way over bearing, and Slater just snapped from the pressure. It was Slater that killed Jessie and Graham, because she dumped him for Graham.
This stuff literally wrote itself! Instead of doing the follow up show of The College Years, they should have just ended the series with a movie. That movie being Scream. It would have been given all the critical acclaim Scream was given in terms of being clever and interesting for a horror movie, and it wraps up the Saved By The Bell story beautifully. You wouldn't get that crazy wedding in Las Vegas movie, you wouldn't get the atrocious Saved By The Bell : The New Class, or the College Years. Everyone is dead except Jeff, Stacy, Kelly, and Screech. Isn't that a much better ending for a beloved TV show then the ending we got when Seinfeld, Lost, and The Sopranos ended? Obviously it is!
At first glance, you would think I am totally out of my mind. Ask my co-workers and they would most likely agree. But hear me out. The characters we followed in Saved By The Bell would flawlessly transition right over into the Scream movie. Jessie can be the first victim in the movie. You don't know anything about the character, just that her character and her boyfriend gets killed. So Slater dies in the beginning too? No! That douche bag emo-hippy Graham, that Jessie broke up with Slater for on Senior Skip Day is the one that gets killed.
Kelly would be the heroine of the movie. From what we learned in the TV show, he dad was laid off from working at the weapons manufacturing plant, whatever job he took after that is unknown. It is entirely plausible that whatever job he has, keeps him away from home. In the movie, her mother was murdered a year ago, which is again entirely plausible to pull off because you never SEE Kelly's mom in the TV show. Lisa becomes the best friend because Jessie is dead. All ready this is much better then the first Scream movie, as there was no black person in the movie originally. IMPROVEMENT! Lisa is the friend who gets killed by trying to fit through the doggy door in the garage door.
So now with the help of a little retcon, Stacy Carosi shows up as the reporter covering the story. Stacy was in college for an undetermined amount of time when the gang met her at the beach club. Seeing as she was older, and they were still in high school, it is entirely plausible that she would be a hot up and coming reporter looking for her big break. The retcon comes in changing her major in college from business to journalism. Going back to our friend the retcon, Jeff is the deputy sheriff investigating the case. Like with Stacy, Jeff was in college for an undetermined amount of time before he met the gang. Without really knowing what his major was in college, it is entirely plausible that he sought a degree in law, and wanted to go into law enforcement.
Screech obviously is the nerdy guy from Scream who spouts off the horror movie rules. Besides bugs, Lisa, and supposedly building Kevin the robot, you don't know anything about Screech's interests at all. Considering at the time, the show and the movie was after the hay day of Dungeons and Dragons, and before any big MMO's like World of Warcraft, any big player vs player games at home, like Call of Duty, and there is never, not even during the episodes at the mall, a hint of an arcade, you have to believe his interests would fall to the other nerdy thing to be into, which is horror movies. You know he's smart, he's socially awkward, but somehow he hangs out with the cool kids. Screech is almost an exact clone of Randy from Scream, so fits that part nicely.
Mr. Belding is still the principal that is just dumb enough to be outsmarted by the killer to be killed and then hung from the goalpost.
That leaves us with the big reveal that has yet to be mentioned.
...
Zach and Slater are the killers. How can that be? In the show, you never see Zach's mom and Zach's dad together. Why? They are obviously divorced. Zach's dad works for some computer company and is always leaving town on business, which is why Zach lives with his mom. Zach's parent's divorced after his mom found out about the affair he was having with Kelly's mom. Enraged that his family life is ruined, Zach convinces Slater to help him kill Kelly's mom. In the original movie, you never quite get the real motivation from the other guy as to why he was helping kill people. This is easily fixed by stating that Slater's dad was way over bearing, and Slater just snapped from the pressure. It was Slater that killed Jessie and Graham, because she dumped him for Graham.
This stuff literally wrote itself! Instead of doing the follow up show of The College Years, they should have just ended the series with a movie. That movie being Scream. It would have been given all the critical acclaim Scream was given in terms of being clever and interesting for a horror movie, and it wraps up the Saved By The Bell story beautifully. You wouldn't get that crazy wedding in Las Vegas movie, you wouldn't get the atrocious Saved By The Bell : The New Class, or the College Years. Everyone is dead except Jeff, Stacy, Kelly, and Screech. Isn't that a much better ending for a beloved TV show then the ending we got when Seinfeld, Lost, and The Sopranos ended? Obviously it is!
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